Crumpet

Love

2009-10-10T04:01:00.000-07:00

If there is one nugget of wisdom I want to share with girls all over the world, it's this:
love as much as you can. Try to love everyone you meet, be that your parents, your boyfriend, your husband, your girlfriend or your best friend.
But always love yourself a little more.
You're the one person you'll always be with, and that relationship will be with you forever. It's the most important relationship you'll ever have.
Cherish it and make yourself happy.
You're the only one who can.

Hm.

2009-09-30T12:24:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or is the idea that people like Martin Scorsese and Woody Allen (yeah, go figure) signed the petition to get Roman Polanski out of jail extremely sickening to anyone else?

I'm the stranger in Paradise. And I thought I didn't belong here.

2009-09-26T04:52:00.000-07:00

I am happy to have stood here.

- Endre Tót

Dear mankind,

I am happy. For the first time in my adult life, I am happy.
Not giddy happy. Not a scared little joy that might run back into its cave and hide at the first sign of trouble. Because that's how I rolled, y'all. I was scared to be happy. So I refused to be happy.

But like I said before, happiness isn't everything. I realized that again, today, just now, when I was crouched on the bathroom floor, crying my eyes out and then, suddenly, laughing.
Because there's another feeling. I first noticed it some odd two weeks ago.

It started somewhere on the left side of my nose. At first I thought it was a Smell.
Fall is approaching radically here, painting trees and making them look like fire and saying goodbye to the bees and the birds.
So this was what I smelt. Autumn, right there in my face, beneath my nose, beneath my skin.
The Feeling - or Smell - wasn't coming to me. It was inside me.
I'm not sure who or what put it there, and typically with my usual complaints about giving into unknown, possibly good feelings, my Brain tried to scare it away with dark thoughts and talked to it a deep raspy voice, telling the Feeling that I wouldn't just let it in, that it would have to fight and prevail to earn its welcome.
The Feeling fought and struggled, and stayed.

The Brain became a little weary. Then there suddenly was the itsy-bitsy bit of Hope growing in my stomach, and again the Brain complained and used sharp objects and hard words and cold stares to frighten the sprout of Hope.
But the little bit of Hope just laughed at that grumpy little girl with the mean words and balled fists, and kept growing.
Sucker, the Brain said, and yelled at it.
But the Hope smiled and said very well and kept growing.
So the Brain turned away, like it does from such things, and looked at the Heart, which it had ignored for some time, to look for help in the fight against the hope.

Now, this the Brain hadn't expected. Because the Heart had heard about the Smell of autumn that wasn't really a Smell and had taken a liking to it, touched the feeling and it had been love at first sight, if you believe in something like that (the Brain doesn't, but the Heart always had its doubts).

The Brain, of course, struggled against the connection between the Heart and the Feeling, but it was too late.
Reason! the brain yelled. See reason! This will never work!
The Heart started singing songs from the 80s and ignored the Brain.

Meanwhile the Hope had grown into something more. It had grown into Knowing.
You see, just because we start out as a certain something, doesn't mean we have to stay that way. We can all change. The Heart and the Hope are not very deterministic in that sense.
So the Hope grew into Knowing, and the Knowing was stronger than ever.

The Smell meanwhile had spread into my sinuses and down my throat, coming closer to the Heart.
The Brain became unsure. What is this? it thought. There is no reason, no rationality behind this! This is not how we work!

At some point, while I was on that bathroom floor today, the Heart and the Smell and the Hope that turned into Knowing all connected. The morphed into each other, complementing the other ones on their strength, nodding, patting their shoulders.
They became a team, tough to take on and very determined.
The Brain, the little idiot, gave up, eventually.
Some day, it said, we'll talk about this. We'll find out how this happened.
Very well, said the Heart and the Smell and the Hope that had turned into Knowing.
We will, one day. But not now. Now this is Us, we are Queens. We are taking charge.

So, this is me. Arrogantly enough, I thought of myself as a Phoenix.
I fell.
I burnt.
I was burnt badly, and I burned myself even worse, literally, and I was only ashes and dust and didn't serve any purpose.
And then there was a glimmer that came from a connection the three Queen inside me made.
And I'm not flying now, because when you fly you are too high to see things for what they really are.
Rather, I'm floating, close enough to the surface, to everything I need to know, but far away enough to know that it doesn't have to touch me, unless I want to.

I also realize that I did this, mainly, on my own.
There are people who've helped me, tremendously, and sometimes in a funny way, and I want to thank them, not because it sounds good or because I feel like I have to but because I want to.
There was an old woman in the city the other day, who looked at me, smiled, and then nodded. I want to thank her.
There are my parents.
There's Pip.
My Literature teacher.
My friends.
I will walk up to those people and tell them yes. Now I see.

Because most people in your life just pass you.
It's like you're at a busy train station.
All these people pass you, but sometimes someone catches your eye, and you smile at each other, or maybe you drop something and someone picks it up for you and says don't worry about it, and you suddenly don't worry. Sometimes these people will steal whatever you dropped and run away. But there's no point going after them. Just make up for what you lost. Because you have to loose yourself to find yourself. And sometimes you won't like what you find, but more often, and this is what the three Queens tell me, you'll love it, and it will make the world a better place.

Tangere (lat.: to touch, touch upon, besprinkle, to speak of)

2009-08-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

"The truth is I've never fooled anyone. I've let people fool themselves. They didn't bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn't argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn't. When they found this out, they would blame me for disillusioning them---and fooling them." - Marilyn Monroe

Wow. It's been a long time since I've been here. So hello, I guess.

I have a problem with blogging. Here's why:

I hate sharing what's going on with me. I actually think, and this is ridicilous, really, that people who talk about how they feel out in the open are a little bit disgusting.
I tried to do to some reverse psychology with myself, to find out why this is. I think there might actually be an explenation for this, maybe in my early childhood, maybe in my teenager time.
I don't really know, and maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe it never matters why we feel a certain way, because that's who we are, and I don't believe that people really change. They change the way they behave, but inside, I think, we're done and untwistable from the moment we step into the world.
I'm drifting off here.
Anyway, there is something about me I realized in the last couple of days:
I feel horrible when I'm happy. I get scared and paranoid and nervous and the more negative part of my brain takes over and gets me spinning.
On a good day, my heart sometimes beats so fast that I'm sure it'll pop out of my chest and just be a massive, dark, blood pulp lying on the floor, there for everyone to see.

Ew.

Now, when I have a bad day, and this is the really weird part, I am flooded with calmness.
For me, there's nothing like waking up in the morning and knowing it's gonna be a shit day.
It's only when I'm sure that I will never, ever see the metaphorical sunshine again, that I am - well, I don't wanna say content - but maybe okay.

Now that's weird. Isn't it?

I think that's because I have a very self-destructive side, and maybe this is the only outlet this side gets. And I'm not really sure if that's good or bad.

I'm also a gigantic liar. I know I'll regret saying this, but fuck it, right?
Not a liar in the sense that I actively tell lies, but more in the sense that I act all day.
There was a period in my life (about two years) in which I was very sad.
Like, everyday-please-let-the-world-end-sad.
And a lot of that had to do with your general teenage attitude.
But somehow, in those two years, I stopped showing what I'm really feeling or thinking, at least in a couple of aspects.

And here's the real dilemma: I can't make up my mind about wanting to change, and not wanting to change, and can I even change? and accepting this or maybe not and if it's okay.

So I'm doing a lot of thinking, like I guess you're supposed to in life.
And today I'm working on opening myself to the world.
So this is the first step.
Open yourself.
Good evening, viewers.
I've just painted my fingernails.
Cherry red.
I can't wait for the winter.

Bless you.

Opinion needed? Or not so much?

2009-05-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

Today I thought about the importance to have an opinion.
I'm one of these people who thinks a lot about random things, and is then quick to build an opinion and is not afraid to mout it.
Even though I am sometimes a little too quick with that, it is often my first feeling about a subject that stays with me (I like that concept, that the first thing you feel is often the real thing you feel).

But how important is it to always have an opinion about everything?
When someone doesn't have a stance on an (IMHO) important subject, I do often catch myself thinking "doesn't that person spend any time discovering what they believe in? Do they know themselves that little?"
Again, this is me being quick in building an opinion (woah, word of the day!).

So? Do you need an opinion on everything? Do you feel ashamed when someone asks your opinion and you don't have one? I'm thinking, thinking, thinking...

Book: Broken

2009-05-07T12:26:00.000-07:00

Until that fateful afternoon, Skunk Cunningham had been a normal little girl, innocently playing on the kerb in front of her house. Rick Buckley had been a normal friendless teenager, proudly washing his brand-new car. And Bob Oswald had been a normal sociopathic single father of five wild daughters, charging furiously down the pavement. Then Bob was beating Rick to a bloody pulp, right there in the Buckley's driveway, and life on Drummond Square was never the same again.

This is the blurb from Daniel Clay's amazing novel, Broken, which might be the best study of the Butterfly Effect to date.
The events described above give the starting signal to a series of events that are so horrible, so funny, so unbelievable and yet so real it is alarmingly easy to relate to them.
The main focus lies on the three families involved in the drama on Drummond Square: the Cunninghams, which you will soon enough consider the "normal" family in this book; the Oswalds, a family so horrible and real and disgusting it is pain and masochistic pleasure in one to read about them; and the Buckleys, the family around Rick - who is later nicknames "Broken Buckley", which are struck by something you can only describe as a psychological curse - Rick can't cope with the violence that has been inflicted on him and goes, for lack of a better word, crazy.

As well as showing a great example of the Butterfly Effect ("a butterfly farts somewhere and a hundred miles away an avalanche kills a hundred people"), this book also has an interesting take on the, let's call it "A-bomb syndrome". In all its terror, this first stepping out of line (here done by Bob Oswald) is by far not the worst thing to happen in this book. I'll try not to give too much away, but the book does end with several people dead - and still, in the end, everybody involved can say "not my fault", because it is only the mix of all these different people taking action that leads the final mess.

Tom Boncza-Tomaszewski from the Independent said: "Read this book; don't run away from it", and with that he basically takes the biscuit - yes, this story is scary and brutal and maybe will make you doubt your own morals - but isn't that a good thing? If a writer is so strong that you - well, me - don't know if you're able to "pick a side".
Maybe this is why this book hits so close to home for me - because I do often feel like I have to pick sides, when all you should really do is stand by and watch things unfold.
Then again, Broken might even prove you wrong about that.

Methinks

2009-04-02T09:09:00.001-07:00

Sadness is like a crash course in psychology.
- enjoy it while it lasts.

Let The Sun Shine

2009-03-27T03:35:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a little down the last couple of weeks, but today I was standing in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking out, and suddenly I felt the few rays of sunshine outside reflect the rays of hope I've been hoping to see for the past couple of days.

The thing about me feeling bad is that I always have to remind myself of just how bad it can get - which is easy - but also how good it can be - which is harder, because if you're sad, feeling happy is such a surreal thing to think of.

So after - stupidly - hoping that shadow in my head would leave on its own for a couple of days, I kind of got out of my own body yesterday, looked at the situation, and just thought: "So what? Are you gonna keep analysing that bad feeling or are you going to do something about it?".
Then I remind myself that giving up - well, giving in - is not really an option and that helps immensely.

Another huge step towards feeling better is acceptance. I've really accepted now that this feeling I sometimes get is something I have to live with, maybe for the rest of my life, but I also realized that that's okay, because I'm stronger than my own mind.

So I'll go out into the world and feel the positivity about everything good that happens to me, and I'll stop thinking in worst case scenarios.

Always remember: Your pain can only hurt you as long as you don't say: stop. This is mine. My decision and actions are what count. And I'm going to win.

POSITIVITY! YAY! (:

"Claire" and "Peter" are dunzo ):

2009-02-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

Heroes' Hayden Panettiere and Milo Ventimiglia have split up.
Which I guess confirms that Panettiere is leaving the show.

I wouldn't want to be in the writer's position, I have to admit.
Killing off the female main character, who just so happens to be an ass kicking, re-gen Cheerleader?
That's gonna be a challenge!

Thursday Miracle

2009-02-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

I am not a very believing person. I guess you could say I'm an Atheist. I believe in Evolution, Science, you know, the boring stuff.

So, I'm doing pretty good these days, you know, emotion-wise. I'd actually say I'm doing great. I'm at a great place in my life: my friends are lovely, hilarious and rising in numbers, because of all the great people I'm meeting in my new age-group level (is that the word?); my family is awesome, and I'm about to see my aunt, uncle and cousins again, which is always great; I'm closer to a very important person in my life than I think I've ever been before - mainly doing lazy stuff, but doing on a level that is so beautiful and relieving and inspiring beyond words.

But for a long time there's been that issue about how I might not finish my driver's license in time, and might have to start from the beginning, which would disappoint some people a lot. Hell, it would disappoint me.

So imagine the little bundle of joy building up inside me when just half an hour ago I found out that I do not have to get my license finished by the end of February - I've got time 'til June.

And I'm not planning on slacking, but this is the most relieving feeling ever.

And something like this, having a burden taken off me that has been standing in the way of all things good for a long time, makes me wonder if, maybe, there is someone there.
You know, as in, somewhere, somehow, there's someone looking out for me.

And to that person, or being, whatcha might call it, I just want to say:

thank you thank you thank you

"Helping those in need's my job"

2009-01-30T08:44:00.000-08:00

Spike: [as Rachel] How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
Spike: [as Angel] No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. And now, I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair. Never the hair.
Spike: [as Rachel] But there must be some way I can show my appreciation?
Spike: [as Angel] No, helping those in need's my job, and workin' up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
Spike: [as Rachel] I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
[gasps]
Spike: [as Angel] Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away.

Spring already?

2009-01-22T01:47:00.000-08:00

The first blossom buds are starting to show in front of my window. The air is crispy, and the sky is blue I can almost hear the birds sing.

I do love winter, but there is nothing better than seeing the Earth come to life again!

Why am I in such a constant pursuit of approval?

2009-01-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

Is it because I am not happy with myself? Because I thought that I'd grown beyond this need to have people nod at what I do, or write, or say.
Still, I can't really get the thought out of my head that people have to agree with what I do.
I couldn't tell you exactly who these people are (I've been at home with a mean cold the entire week, so there's really nobody around), but whatever I did these past couple of days, I feel it has to be signed.
I disgust myself a little bit with these thoughts, and I want to yell at myself for not being independent enough.
For now, it's okay to justify this with my high fever, but I am already worried about feeling this way when I am doing better (physically).

Nothing left to grit my teeth, butch up, stop complaining and look for the nice things, huh? (:

Movie: Street Kings

2009-01-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I watched Street Kings, mainly because, I have to admit, it has all these awesome names in it: Keanu Reeves, Chris Evans, Forest Whitaker, Hugh "House" Laurie, Amaury "Sexiest Man Alive" Nolasco, and all the "rapper-turned-into-good-actors" they could get to sign: Cedric the Entertainer, The Game and the lovely Common. And of course the super sweet Naomie Harris.
So yeah, I guess when you look at it like that, Street Kings sounds a little like some ridiculous, pretentious bellybutton-show.
But it was a really frikkin' good movie.

First of, the plot is much more thought through and moving than that of most "cop-movies": Detective Tom Ludlow (K. Reeves) is the guy in the force who'll "go where the law won't": he takes out kidnappers and says they shot first, he plants evidence and makes some money off it as well. But all in all, he's not the least sympathetic guy you can imagine.
Enter Washington (Terry Crews), Ludlow's former partner - who is not ratting him out to Internal Affairs.
So Ludlow, who really knows how to hold a grudge, dude, takes it on himself to have a little "fist-talk" (yup, I made that word up. I should get paid!) with Washington. But then, out of nowhere, two gang members appear, kill Washington and leave Ludlow as the prime suspect - at least until his fellow team partners, all under the protection of the all-forgiving Wander (F. Whitaker), fiddle with the evidence to make sure Ludlow was "only" the first cop at the scene.
Still, Ludlow can't rest there, and tries to find Washington's killer, and has to find out that not only he was being betrayed - but almost every cop in the city.

I always loved these sort of movies. You know, morality issues are always fun, but enter police officers, who are supposed to be so incorruptible, and it gets really interesting.
If you can stand a good deal of violence and a lot of naughty, naughty words (although it gets better as the movie progresses - talk about character development!) you should definitely watch this movie. It's super exciting and interesting, funny at time, and it even brought a tear to my eye.
Good stuff.

Konichiwa.

Book: Eve Green by Susan Fletcher

2008-12-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

I have just finished Susan Fletcher's first book, Eve Green, and it just blew me away.
I read her second book, Oystercatchers, last summer, and it sort of became my favourite book, I fell in love with it.
So I was sort of nervous when I started reading Eve Green, because I was so "spoiler" by the other book.
But Eve is amazing.
Susan Fletcher just has an amazing power with words. The story takes place in Wales, and, even though I've never been to Wales, I feel like I've lived there.
The book is so rich in beautiful detail that I really felt present in the story - more than in any other book I've ever read.

The story is, like it was in Oystercatchers, a very quiet, very dark one:
When Evie's mother dies, she moves, aged 8, to her grandparents in Wales.
She tells the story of the following summer 21 years later, and it mainly covers two important events or secrets in Evie's life: the abduction of a local girl, and the mystery around her father's identity.

I recommend this book to absolutely everyone. It's sad, there's no doubt about that, but most of all, it's beautiful, in a very rare and wild way. And what is especially great about Susan Fletcher's books are her, well, I guess you could call them heroines. They're strong and stubborn and silent, but never ever weak.

Boh3m3: An Open Letter To Eminem

2008-12-18T09:00:00.001-08:00

Watch it here.

This is the new boh3m3 video, and I think that it is really moving.
It's good to see someone you admire (or have once admired or whatever) getting better and finding their way, and it's especially nice to see that boh3m3 shared this with youtube - after all, this is where it all started, and it has a sort of poetry to it.

But the reason people are going to be pretty POed about this (I'd guess)?

"I have finally worked out what the hell is wrong with me. Or what the hell is right with me, that I just didn't understand for a long time. [...] I realized that I have ADHD [attention deficit hyperactive disorder]. Like, I really do, it finally clicked, it makes sense."

Now, of course I don't know the whole story behind this, and of course I don't know how well educated he is when it comes to neurobehavioral disorders, or any sort of border-psychological disorder for that matter.
But assuming he doesn't know much about it, and assuming he diagnosed himself, then there is something immensley wrong with that video.
For me, self-diagnostics are sort of like blasphemy.
Because it's just too easyto go out there and say, "listen, this and this is wrong with me. Go figure."
And I really hope that he has had a proper diagnosis, or this is another step towards making serious disorders look like random words that you can use to describe the bad, stinging feeling inside your chest that keeps your mind from working.

Extract

2008-12-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

The roof was made of red clouds, or so it looked to me.
In the middle of the high room, all the clouds were rising up, up, up, into a tornado, sucked away by wind and weather.
I hurt my neck, that’s how long I stared up at the red clouds that looked as solid as my own body.

- by me

All I Want

2008-12-16T07:16:00.000-08:00

I am on a lonely road
/and I am traveling
/traveling traveling traveling
/looking for something
/what can it be
/oh I hate you some
/I hate you some
/I love you some
/oh I love you
/when I forget about me
/I want to be strong
/I want to laugh along
/I want to belong to the living
/alive
/alive
/I want to get up and jive
/I want to wreck my stockings
/in some juke box dive
/do you want
/do you want
/do you want
/to dance
/with me baby

All I Want by Joni Mitchell

Yee-ha!

2008-12-16T07:14:00.000-08:00

I just wrote almost two pages of stuff I like.
In one sitting.
Like, just sat down and wrote it.

Ee-he, here I come. (:
Thanks for supporting!

What I am currently listening to:

2008-12-05T05:03:00.000-08:00

Y'All Want A Single - Korn (this song is just fun)

Your Woman - White Town (cute)

Just A Girl - No Doubt (a No Doubt classic)

Don't Give It Up - Siobhan Donaghy (beautiful and spiritual)

Sister - She Wants Revenge (a little dark)

Mouthwash - Kate Nash (cute, wonderful and uplifting)

N 2Gether Now - Limp Bizkit (funky!)

Breath Me - Sia (an Olden Goldie :))

Hummer - The Foals (my favorite song right now)

Colorblind - The Counting Crows (quite possible the most beautiful song of all times)

Everything's Just Wonderful - Lily Allen (explicit but honest Brit Pop)

Down Another Day - Limp Bizkit (very melancholical)

All Around Me - Flyleaf (it makes you feel that everything's okay)

Over The Line - Revelation Theory (absolutely apocalyptical; always makes me think of a desert. Hm...)

Passive - Perfect Circle (coolest song EVER)

My Favorite Heroes

2008-11-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

As in "they're the most interesting to watch IMHO", not "I wanna hang out with them". Cause some of them are sort of pretty evil.

Ladies first:

1. Eden McCain - you know, she's a good person inside. I always sort of thought she'd turn her back on the bad guys, marry Mohinder and that, but sadly, she didn't get the chance. What a way to go out, though!

2. Niki/Jessica Sanders - the general idea of the whole "two people sharing one body" thing is really fascinating. And with Niki/Jessica it's really hard to say if she's telling the truth - or just plain crazy. Ali Larter does a great job!

3. Candice Wilmer - her powers (creating an illusion of everything) is probably the coolest on the entire show. You get the feeling she's just a nice, unhappy girl with the wrong friends.

1. Sylar - he's just so interesting to watch! Great acting, great storylines (and I thought killing his mother would be cliché!) and Zachary Quinto is quite the eye candy (:

2. Matt Parkman/Mr. Bennet - I just can't make up my mind between these two... luckily I don't have to. They're both pretty kick-ass on their own, but when they work as a team, they just rock.

3. Adam Munroe - Do I really have to explain? I think not. David Anders is just so awesome.

4. Ted Sprague - I can't help it. I like Ted. He just has something so dramatic and explosive (no pun intended) about him, and those scenes with him in the desert playing with his powers are pretty impressive.

And an honorable mention goes out to Mr. Muggles.

So, who are your favorite Heroes? (:

Hee hee!

2008-11-24T12:20:00.001-08:00

Since kino.to is kind of annoying right now (you're only allowed to watch 72 minutes a day - even though most of the time they start complaining after 30 minutes), I looked for different sites to watch Heroes on. And I found it on cucirca.com.
And now I can watch it in English.
So, hee hee, happiness (:

Just Something On The Side...

2008-11-18T12:22:00.000-08:00

made by me, inspired by my friends (:

A Home-Made Tribute To All Things Swell

2008-11-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

... and even though Supernatural is not "swell" or anything that coincides with the word "cool", it still fit in there. Enjoy!

Favorite quote - 14th of November

2008-11-14T11:21:00.000-08:00

I'm a dyslexic insomniac agnostic...
I lay awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

- Unknown

I'm watching Heroes!

2008-11-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

Yee-hah.
I'm basically doing nothing these days, so I decided to start watching Heroes (inspired by G :)) on kino.to (which is a pretty kick-ass site). I've only just finished episode 6 of season 1, but I already have to say that I really underestimated this show. It still has to find its feet a little (which I'm sure it's already done - but I haven't reached that episode yet), but it's definitely a very promising show (I know, I'm a little late, but I'm catching up).
Here are some thoughts:

I love Ando! But I think at this point of the story, Hiro is a tad annoying. The whole "I want to be a hero" and "I couldn't save them" is cute at the beginning, but after a while I just thought, "Dude, you have, like, the coolest super-powers imaginable. Give yourself a rest." But I definitely find myself laughing at his scenes more and more. I think he'll turn out to be a very interesting character.
So far, my favorite characters are Niki (split-personality lady) and Isaac (the guy who paints the future). Thanks to the wonderful medium of the Internet I already know what's going to happen to Isaac (ouch!), but I still enjoy his character a lot. Mainly because this must be the first time ever that we see a Hispanic character as a druggie, and that is, for some reason, extremely relieving. (Clamor against stereotyping!)
In the German version of the show (I have to watch the show in German... I can't find the episodes in English anywhere for free) the Japanese dialogues of Ando and Hiro are actually in German. Which I guess was a good idea at the beginning, because you didn't have to read all the time, but it comes out as a little ridiculous when they are talking to other characters (who, in the original version, would be speaking English while H & A are talking Japanese). Because the other characters don't understand the two in a lot of scenes, it gives you a little "uhm, okay" feeling. I don't know the reasons behind this weird change, but I guess you just have to get used to it (shame though - Japanese is a lovely language to listen to!)
The good thing about me having to watch the German version is that I don't have to hear Sendhil Ramamurthy's (Mohinder - loves him!) deadly annoying voice (: What's the accent? Posh English? Indian? Pick a style, dude.
The special effects are pretty impressive, considering this is a TV show in its first season. It's just nice for a change to see someone flying through the air without them looking like, you know, lying on water bed mattress (what?).
LEONARD ROBERTS! I loved him in Buffy, and D.L. is a total bad-ass. I've got a nasty feeling he won't be around for too long (what with his wife being a dangerous, psycho killer and all), but he's such an amazing actor to watch
Sylar hasn't appeared a lot so far (although I have seen a bunch of his gruesome crime scenes), but he's a very impressive and disturbing character. He might actually turn out to be one of my new all-time favorite baddies (number one is Caleb the priest from Buffy and number two Rudy from Dexter).

Anywho, thanks a lot to G (and J) for introducing me to this show. I've been feeling like watching it for a year, but I think it can be a little exhausting to watch an entire show on the Internet.
But it's definitely worth it (:

Oh, and they changed the pronouncation from Micah's name in the first few episodes from Mick-a to Mike-a. Cute (:

What I am currently working on...

2008-11-10T06:30:00.001-08:00

I don’t remember my real name, but it must have been boring, not special, not unique enough, because the first time I said it to Francis, she made a spitting sound and said,: “No, honey, we can’t call you that.” I went without a name for a few days after that, until one afternoon, clouds were hanging low and snow was in the air, Francis told me: “From now on, you will be Ariel.”

Hatred In The World

2008-11-08T01:43:00.001-08:00

Even through there have been great, great news lately (Obama is President!), the wonderful state of California has now voted yes on Proposition 8.
I can't even say how angry that makes me.
Why can't people let other people just live/look/love the way they want?
I mean, no-one gets hurt.

Damn shame.

GameReview: Kane and Lynch: Dead Men

2008-10-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

Kane and Lynch: Dead Men was the first ever action, shooter game I legally purchased. Exactly. That's how cool I am.

Even though I finished the game months ago (thank you, Cheatsville!) I only now feel like writing something about it.

Okay, here's the story: Kane is a former member of The 7 (a criminal gang doing criminal stuff - you know the deal) and he is on his way to death row, when suddenly the truck he is being transported in has a head-on collusion. It's not long though before Kane realized this is not a rescue - it's an abduction.
He is teamed up with Lynch, a medicated psychopath (and probably one of the most amazing characters in any game ever), who is supposed to keep an eye on him while Kane retrieves something he once stole from The 7, and which they now want back. And as you can imagine, things soon start going out of control and Kane and Lynch are, well... practically dead men.

I don't like aggressive, brutal games, I'll say that right away. And I really don't like playing them. I'm a lover, not a builder, you know? I'm currently watching every second of Silent Hill: The Room and Alone In The Dark 5, but I'd never, ever play them, simply because it scares me. Hell, I pee my pants when I switch on Tomb Raider!
But it was completely different with Kane and Lynch. Okay, I was invincible. Yes, I had unlimited ammo. But at least I didn't have to try getting through a level 8, maybe 9 times.

It's a great game. It's got brains (it was made by IO Interactive), and that's what makes it so special. The characters are not only existent but also entertaining, the story is fast and fun, and the game play is very comfortable. The only thing I didn't like was that the game was pretty short (it took me about 2 weeks to beat it, including school and that) and I don't think there's enough movement freedom: even though the levels do look graphically great, it would have been even better if you could have more places to walk around.

Of course, a sequel and a movie (with, it is rumored, Bruce Willis as Kane and Billy Bob Thornton as Lynch - should be the other way around!) are already in the making.
But I really think that this is going to be a great franchise, maybe even better that IO's other baby, Hitman.

Ryan Reynolds on running

2008-10-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

I have to say, I was getting a little bored of Ryan Reynolds (aka Mr. King), especially since I discovered that every once in a while, he blogs for the Huffington Post. EvilBeet, very honestly, said about his writing: "and I won’t get into this in much detail, but his stuff is so overwritten and irrelevant and annoying — we get it, Ryan. You know big words and you’re a famous actor. Big props to you, buddy." which is absolutely fitting. I mean, I consider myself pretty thick-skinned when it comes to reading boring articles, but his stories (titled "Competitive Eating" - yuck - and "The Clown God") are absolutely impossible to read without a dictionary and/or a translator - I had to stop about half-way through and start again, not only because the entire concept is extremely hodgepodge but also because he has a very poor writing style.

However, he now released another article, called "Why I'm Running The New York Marathon", which I have to say is absolutely amazing. Basically I could not care less about anything than Ryan Reynolds evildoer brother, or the New York Marathon, or running, but the writing style in this article is pretty amazing, and it both moved me and made me laugh.

Ronin should read this!

Oh, and by the way? I still like Alanis better. Ehem, go away, Scarlett.

PS: When does Vin Diesel start writing for The Huffington Post? That's the day I'm looking forward to!

Description.

2008-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Do you know how you sometimes feel that there's one person in your life who'll always have some sort of significance? Yeah, I was sort of forced back into contact with that person, and it's basically been getting me down pretty bad every time X (let's call the person that for the sake of the argument) has written me an e-mail or something like that.
So I decided to visit X's schuelervz (a German Internet community for students ... pretty much everyone is in it), and take a quick look over what's been going on in X's life, and I found a comment from a girl, writing:

i'd give you my heart,
if you want.
do you want to have my heart? <3

Which I suppose is either a song text or really banal, home-made poetry.
In response, X wrote:

yes i do. <3

Back to the girl. She wrote:

-> here's my heart for you.

There was no response from X after that. Which absolutely, 100-percent-ly describes and sums up X's personality.
Because that's who X is. Someone who makes you feel like you're the only person on the planet. And then shoots you right in the knee caps.

People just stay the same, I guess.

I'm just happy I'm away from X.

Parole, parole, parole Or: Why you should learn Italian!

2008-10-21T10:18:00.000-07:00

1. It's easy. Especially if you know a little bit from another Romanic language (Spanish or French, even English)
2. It sound beautiful.
Transforma le frasi in mondo da ottenere una sola frase con l'aiuto del pronome relativoe 'che'.
Transform the two sentences into one with the help of the relative pronoun 'che'.
Beautiful, isn't it?
3. You'll know your way around Italy (which might be fortunate for some people...)
4. Why not learn it? Every day's a day to learn a new language (:

Metti la parola giusta! (Choose the right word!)

Favorite quotes - 21st of October

2008-10-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

It's the sense of touch. In any real city,
you walk, you know? You brush past
people, people bump into you. In L.A.,
nobody touches you. We're always behind
this metal and glass. I think we miss that
touch so much, that we crash into each other,
just so we can feel something.

- Graham Waters, Crash

Boh3m3 knows how to make an idiot of himself.

2008-10-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

Well, well, well.
So I switch on my computer to check my e-mails, look up people who have been dead for two thousand years and see who of my favorites has done new videos on the tube, when I see that boh3m3 (well, 3m3hob) has made a new video titled "Baleeted".
Now the sole reason I can figure out as an explenation for why I'm still subscribed to both the B's (ehem) is that I'm still hoping for a return. Hoping for a return of that wonderful, funny, smart and slightly crazy person that, I think, boh3m3 once was.

It's been a topic on youtube for pretty much the better part of a year, I think, that boh3m3 wants to take down his videos. Because he can't stand them anymore. Because he can't see himself in them anymore. Because he think they won't - wait for it! - stand the test of time. And basically, he's been a (and please, please excuse the profanity, but I feel like I have to use some to give voice to my inner anger) whinny bitch about it. Every. Single. Step. Of. The. Way.

Now we all know that this is not a perfect world, especially if you're talking about media or art. People who put white chairs into white rooms are paid millions of dollars, while people with true talent are left with jobs at fast-food restaurants.
But you know what? Deal with it. Because life is not always gonna deal you the cards you deserve. Because life is definitely not gonna deal you the cards you think you deserve. Because whining about it and wasting all your energy on something you cannot change is a complete waste of time.

I'm not trying to say that you should simply accept everything that happens to you, because that would, obviously, be dumb.
But I just don't understand how you can lose your way so much - and here I come back to boh3m3.
Being a "celebrity" on youtube is nothing (not everyone can be a Brendon Hardesty). But that doesn't mean that it's not something to be proud of. And it especially doesn't mean that you should start making fun and disrespecting the people who supported you, without who you would be nowhere right now. But I don't have to say that.

However, I'm still hoping. I'm still hoping that he can find his way out of this giant puddle of self-pity. Man, I hope you find that path that you're looking for. But don't be too surprised if you'll find that that path is the one less traveled by (your supporters). Remember, whatever you do comes back unto thee and such.

History lesson time! Yay!

2008-10-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

Today I want to talk about a one of my favorite historical stories.
It's about the death of Pompey (Gnaeus Pompeius Magnus).

In the spring of 49 BC, Caesar (Pompey's former friend and co-consul and now enemy) was marching towards Rome. Caesar has been gone for many years, waging war in Gaul, while Pompey had stayed in Rome to look after the city.
Now even though Pompey claimed that he could defeat Caesar and "raise armies merely by stamping his foot on the soil of Italy", he soon decided to abandon Rome.
He fled to Brundisium and then to Dyrrhachium, where Caesar lost 1000 men. Still, Pompey failed to see his great chance to finally defeat Caesar, and did not strike. As Caesar himself said, "Today the enemy would have won, if they had had a commander who was a winner" (Plutarch).

Eventually, Pompey decided to flee to Egypt.
However, the Egyptians decided to give their loyalty to Caesar (who was already on his way to Egypt) and decided to kill Pompey. So on September 28th, one day short of his 58th birthday, Pompey was assassinated by Achillas and Lucius Septimius, two old comrades-in-arms and the latter one a fellow Roman.

When Caesar arrived in Egypt he saw that the body of Pompey had been cremated and Ptolemy XIII, the young king, offered Pompey's head to Caesar. But "he (Caesar) turned away from him with loathing, as from an assassin; and when he received Pompey's signet ring on which was engraved a lion holding a sword in his paws, he burst into tears" (Plutarch).
You see, even though his greatest enemy was defeated, he was grieved by seeing such a great man disrespected in such a manner.

Anyway, this is just a little story that I find especially interesting. I always though Caesar was a great man (minus the tyrann-ish bit), but I have deep repect for his reaction.

What do you think?

I've finished my first story!

2008-10-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

After six years of ups and downs in writing, I have yesterday evening finished a story for the very first time. And let me tell you, it felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I mean, surreal, but good.
It wasn't like I'd imagined it. There was no fanfare, no dramatic light and no deep, content sigh at the end. But I guess that's a good thing, because that's not what my stories are about. I want to write about what's going on inside, and not what's shown only on the surface. And, boy, did something go on inside.

Did I actually just write this? Wow, I feel more famous by the second.

Another good thing is that now that the story's rough version is finished, I don't feel so desperately far from my ultimate goal (becoming a published writer) anymore, and a lot of pressure is gone. Before, I was like "Okay, besides the fact that, first of all, I'll never finish a story, how will I ever find strength and positivity to go on after that?" Because, admitted, I usually hate - excuse me - don't like most of the stuff I write.
But now that I'm finished I can, for some reason, actually go over my text and think: "Know what? I like it!" and that's the first step.
Another thing is that, while before I was really scared of being criticized (in general, not just concerning my writing), I'm now really looking forward to seeing what people think.
Think of all that amazing progress I'm going to make.

Of course there's still the opportunity that what I wrote is total bull crap, but this worries me a lot less than I expected it to. And I guess that's because my - I think, very down to earth - wish (that even if I move only one person, I have moved someone, which is a great achievement)is already fulfilled:

I moved myself.

With writing this story and finishing it, I have done something great for myself.
Which I guess isn't that bad.

This is what makes life fun:

2008-10-09T12:06:00.000-07:00

Aaaahhahahaaaa!
So I was just following my guilty pleasures (meaning: looking for people who also don't like Eragon and Twilight). I was reading comments on the Eragon movie on Imdb, and there was some 15-year old writing about how well done everything was, and how amazing the acting was. And then he wrote:

"Jeremy Irons was so great too. I loved his voice and could totally tell he was Scar in The Loin King."

Loin King?
Haaahaaaha.
Classic.

I loooove the X Factor!

2008-09-19T11:52:00.002-07:00

Oh, I could watch it all day.

I'll never, ever, ever tire of Simon Cowell.

Tropic Thunder!

2008-09-19T11:52:00.001-07:00

So, I watched Tropic Thunder yesterday, and it was just as amazing as I expected it to be.

The plot: five actors (Ben Stiller, Robert Downey Jr., Jack Black, Jay Baruchel and Brandon T. Jackson) are send into the wildness of Vietnam to film a movie, in order to make it seem more realistic. Unfortunately, the director (Steve Coogan) steps on a landmine mere seconds after the guys have been abandoned by their helicopter and blows up. Another problem is, that there are actual baddies hunting the "set".

This movie is the ultimate Hollywood parody. There are three trailers at the beginning, which are already totally worth the money: Jack Black staring in the sequel of a ridiculous, Eddie Murphy-style comedy telling the story of a farting, obese family; Ben Stiller's character stars in the seventh installation of an action movie; and Downey Jr. stars in Brokeback Mountain in an abbey - alongside Tobey Maguire!

All the characters are complete cliches: the British, eccentric director; the hairy, choleric producer.
But the best thing in this movie is, of course, Robert Downey Jr. I mean, that guy is so funny.
His character starts off as a blond version of Hugh Jackman; you know, pretty, cool voice, Australian. And because he's such a dedicated actor, he goes through surgery to change his skin color so he can play an African-American part. And he doesn't manage to get out of character, and he's just talking in this incredible Sam Jackson/Morgan Freeman slang way.

Anyway, watch that movie. I only understood half of it. But Tom Cruise dances. I mean, that's cool, right?

I've got the Snatch soundtrack!

2008-09-03T08:03:00.000-07:00

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

It's amazing!

Ha ha!

And while we're at it ...

2008-09-03T07:58:00.000-07:00

More Gilmore Girls quotes.

Emily: You were on the phone?
Richard: Long distance.
Lorelai: God?
Richard: London.
Lorelai: God lives in London?
Richard: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai: Your mother is God?
Richard: Lorelai...
Lorelai: So, God *is* a woman.
Richard: Lorelai.
Lorelai: *And* a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard: Make her stop.
Rory: Oh, that I could.

Fun, fun, fun.

2008-09-03T07:55:00.001-07:00

This is what's been making me smirk recently.
From Gilmore Girls:

Sookie: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
Michel: Are there 12?
Sookie: 12 what?
Michel: Blueberries. I can only have 12 blueberries for breakfast.
Sookie: Or what?
Michel: What do you mean, or what?
Sookie: What happens if you eat 13 blueberries?
Michel: This is a silly conversation.
Sookie: Would you die?
Michel: Just hand me the plate.
Sookie: Only if you don't count.
Michel: I won't count.
Sookie: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'
Michel: [raises his hand] ... Pick another group.
Sookie: Nope.
Michel: [slams hand down] I hate you! Hate you!

2008-09-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

I have the attention span of a dangin' 5 year old

2008-09-01T11:25:00.001-07:00

Mm, what?

Oh look, a cat.

Loving A Serial Killer: The First Season of "Dexter"

2008-09-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

Wow, what an amazing show.

I finished the last episode of season 1 yesterday evening.
Okay, I have to admit that I did fall victim to some more or less minor spoilers on IMDb, but still... I mean, I was still surprised when I actually watched the show. How freaky is that?

The best news? The English Shop woman said that the second season will be out for rental soon.
Oh yeah.

Obviously Kidding Productions: LOST in 2D - Episode 1: Jack

2008-08-23T10:20:00.000-07:00

Jack has a secret family member.

Hope you like!

Roma is in da house!

2008-08-19T14:01:00.001-07:00

Thanks, Dad (:

The New Project

2008-08-19T09:19:00.001-07:00

So I'm working on an Obviously Kidding Productions thingy right now with Martin, but it's all still top secret.
The only thing I can tell you is that it's going to be very, very different from what we wanted to do before, and it's also going to be a lot better.
And I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am.
This is gonna rock.

(:

Portia Di Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres got hitched!

2008-08-18T09:47:00.000-07:00

Yay! (:

Check out EvilBeet for pics!

New Max Payne Stills

2008-08-16T03:22:00.000-07:00

IMDb has new stills for Max Payne!

I'd say they look about 63% crappy, which is okay, considering it's a game adaption with Mila Kunis.
I can't even be bothered to put up a link for her name, that's how boring she is. Yawn.

Well, I'm going to watch this movie willy-nilly, because it's Max Payne, so it doesn't matter that much (money-wise... emotion-wise it's gonna be a disaster!).

Max Payne opens on the 17th of October in the US and the UK (will I be in Scotland then? I don't remember. That'd be bitchin', though!), on the 23rd of October in Germany, on the 15th of October in Egypt, on the 16th of October in Hungary and on the 26th November in Belgium.

In 2008.

Just so you know.

OhwowOhwowOhwow!!!

2008-08-12T10:40:00.000-07:00

I've just found the trailer for The Informers.

This is making me seriously hysterical. It looks so, so amazing! Jon Foster (Graham), Winona Ryder (Cheryl) and Mel Raido (Bryan Metro) look especially good. There's no opening date for either the USA nor for Germany, but there's nothing in the world that could spoil this moment. (:
Yee-ha!

I'm not taking Religion class in school anymore

2008-08-12T10:29:00.000-07:00

Uh, yeah. I don't know. It was a thing. My plan was too full, and I wanted to vote off one class, at it was either Religion, Philosophy, History or Social Sciences. And Religion took the axe. No pun intended.

I really liked the teacher I had in that class, though. He was sort of extraordinary - not always in a good way (he was always later, I mean always always).
I'm an atheist, but I'm not sure if that's the reason I stopped taking the class (after all, my Religion class was more like History - it was more about events than the actual belief).

I'm really excited to see how that's gonna pay off. I mean I had a kind of to and fro with my belief before realizing that, for me, believing in God (or any gods, for that matter) isn't so much about wanting there to be a God who takes care of everything, and more about actually believing in one.
And I didn't really believe, but just hoped (for some time at least).

The Triumph Of Caeser

2008-08-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

So I'm reading this really amazing book, called The Triumph Of Caesar (duh!) by Steven Saylor.

I'm all into ancient Rome. I mean, that's my far my favorite era. It started when I watched Rome, that HBO show a couple of years back. And the character I was most fascinated by was Marcus Junius Brutus. He was played by Tobias Menzies, and he was a really dramatic, suffering and ill-fated person., and amazingly well portrayed.
So then I found out that the Rome Brutus was completely fictionalized. It kind of broke my heart, and I made a break from reading Ellis and O'Connor and Eugenides (not bragging) and read two books by Robert Harris, Pompeii (which was about the eruption of the Vesuvius) and Imperium(a Marcus Tullius Cicero biography). And Brutus wasn't in either of them. So that was sad (but those were amazing books!).
And then, the week before last, when I was in England, I found The Triumph and bought it, not even really hoping for Brutus to be in it. And guess what? He totally plays a kind of important part in the book. Guess again. He's pretty arrogant and sort of snobbish, smart, nonetheless, but not the Brutus I liked so much.
I mean, I frikking love him now.

So anyway.

I'm totally too old to fall in love with musicians or whatever. It's Brutus now. He's my historical crush.

Oh, and watch Rome if you can!

It's Ashley Jensen's birthday! Yay!

2008-08-11T13:07:00.000-07:00

Maggie turned 39 today!

"I don't think you are."
...
"Liar."

Love her!

RIP Bernie Mac

2008-08-11T13:02:00.001-07:00

Actor Bernie Mac died at the age of 50 (from pneumonia).

I love this picture of him because he just had the craziest, most uplifting smile.

You'll me missed, Bernie!

Labor pains

2008-08-05T10:11:00.001-07:00

After 14 hours of babysitting two eight-year olds and 42 hours of living with a fifteen-month old baby, I’ve reconsidered my plans of ever having children on my own.
To stand a single week with them they’d have to be gagged.

Sometimes it makes me so, so angry to see parents spoiling (or un-soiling) their kids. I guess it’s a little unfair, but what has to happen that a child turns into such a monster.
I mean, they haven’t even passed their first decade, and they’re already making people suffer on purpose.
I’ll just relay on my mother’s info, that I wasn’t like that (come on, pretty much every mother says that) and hope that, shall my day of reproduction actually arrive, I’ll do a better job. Or be smart enough not to get knocked up.
Working on that.

Ironically enough, today the article greeting me on Blogger.com is (dadada) Blogger Babies! Yay!

The Faith Trailer

2008-07-27T02:47:00.000-07:00

Human kind thought they were too smart to ever be manipulated again. They were wrong.

In the near future a religious cult has taken over most of the power on our destroyed planet. They are The Faith, and their rules are simple:
you either follow them or you die.

Grim Brothers Trailer

2008-07-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

Luke and Ben are brothers. But they haven't seen each other for a long time.
When their mother dies they meet again at the funeral, and discover what has been going on in each other's life: while Ben seems to have a perfect life, his older brother's has been spiraling out of control for as long as he can remember.
As time passes they find out more about each other, face their demons and discover that a "normal" life is never what it seems.

(The "acclaimed novel" thing is just a joke :))

Sleepless nights

2008-07-20T17:46:00.000-07:00

It's one of those again.
I try to sleep. I really do. But I can't.
And I can't do anything productive. I can't write, I can't create.
I can't even play Grand Theft Auto, because that would take so much energy.
But I'm not tired.
Well, not in the traditional, sleepy, yawning kind of way.
I wouldn't call it insomnia, because that would probably mean I couldn't sleep at all. But I just can't sleep before six am. There's a difference.

Maybe, but just maybe, I'm still afraid of the dark. I used to have this kind of love/hate relationship with the darkness.
I hated it, because you don't get distracted. You lie there and it's quiet and there is nothing to do and you start thinking, and my thinking scared me. I used to go crazy if I was left alone with my thoughts for too long. I mean crazy crazy. Like, Autofiction crazy.

You lie there in the dark.
The dark leaves you alone with your thoughts. There's nothing to distract you. And your thoughts build a cloud, the darkness, pressing onto you.
People say sometimes emotions make you explode.
But with all that pressure on me I can only implode and disappear.

I wrote that about a year ago. And there is a kind of craving towards that, unexplainable.
Maybe because it's the only time these thoughts can actually roam free.

So now I'll just drop into bed, and try again.
Because thinking does make me tired, I think.

Favorite quotes - 21st of July, 2:45 am

2008-07-20T17:45:00.000-07:00

Chucking her under her chin, he said, “What are you doing here, honey? You’re not even old enough to know how bad life gets.”
And it was then Cecilia gave orally what was to be her only form of suicide note, and a useless one at that, because she was going to live: “Obviously, Doctor,” she said, “you’ve never been a thirteen-year-old girl.”

- The Virgin Suicides, by Jeffrey Eugenides

Lunar Park and Memory Lapse

2008-07-20T17:31:00.000-07:00

For some reason, ever since I have started reading Bret Easton Ellis, whenever I read a passage in a book and it moves or fascinates me, I start learning it by heart.
Not on purpose. Not to recite it when the time has come, but just because these sentences get stuck in my head.
I can quote the entire first page of Ellis’ The Rules Of Attraction. Why? I don’t know. It doesn’t really serve any purpose.
I can tell you exactly what happens in every single chapter of Martha O’Connor’s The Bitch Goddess Notebook. I can lead hours of discussion about the deeper meaning of movies like 28 Days Later... or tell you everything that happened in Lost (well, almost everything... come on, it’s Lost!)
I couldn’t tell you what the Pythagorean theorem is about if it would safe my life, but ask me who Julius Caesar’s lover was, or what Marcus Tullius Cicero did to become one of Rome’s greatest lawyers.

And the only reason why I know this stuff is because I’m interested in it? That’s not really fair of my brain, is it?
But how can you trick yourself into liking something? Is there even a way?
The way my brain works is not fair.

Favorite quotes - 17th of July 2008, 10:33 pm

2008-07-17T13:31:00.000-07:00

These are the darker truths. I am no saint, I promise you that. I will turn stones over to prove it. For if I talk of wars, of boundaries, and secrets, and if I talk of the bombers who walk, calmly, onto a square or onto trains, shouldn’t I talk of us? For it was a war, of sorts.

- Oystercatchers, by Susan Fletcher

Poem

2008-07-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

I found this poem on the internet a while ago. Sadly, I don't know who wrote it.

the rise of unlimited power is felt
in hands human, mortal
life sees each other
making eye contact
Soul to Soul
this is how the soldiers
knew breath's value
for they saw the answering destruction
of themselves, murdered,
after they killed them

Kinda Movie Review: Kung Fu Panda

2008-07-17T13:09:00.000-07:00

Aww, does the idea of an computer animated, over-weight panda doing kung fu not seem cute to you? Not? Alright.

I watched it yesterday with my wonderful friend Kerstin (que pasa, puta?), and it was a hoot and a half. It's cute. And it's got animals in it. Talking animals. Talking animals that do kung fu. Anyone?

Dexter. Takes life. Seriously.

2008-07-17T12:18:00.000-07:00

Someone has to say it:
Dexter is by far the coolest thing that has been on TV for a long time.

How do I explain this?
Okay, remember Six Feet Under? How every week before it started you get all euphoric and giddy in the head? Yeah, that's how Dexter makes me feel. I'm in love again.

Dexter is the story of Dexter Morgan (Michael C. Hall), a charming man who works for the police. There's one problem: Dexter doesn't feel any emotions. But he does feel the need to kill.
So his foster father, Harry (the wonderful James Remar) taught him to use this urge for something good.
So while officially, Dexter is the "splatter expert" under the Miami detectives, in his free time, he hunts the bad guys, in his own, well, special way.

Okay, this all sound itchy and like another of these Moonlight (did anyone watch that? I stopped after 20 minutes, because my lunch was coming up...) genre rip-offs, but it's not.
Dexter is a smart, edgy, great, funny, smart, sad, smart, extraordinary, smart show, with great actors and actresses, and even though I've only watched the first six episodes so far, I am totally hooked.
Michael C. Hall is a totally charming guy (any Six Feet Under watcher will agree), but the pulls off something that isn't the typical psycho killer act.
Dexter's thoughts are hilarious - the way he copies human emotions, because he can't feel them himself, the way he tries to understand why humans do things - grieve, have sex etc. - and you have to love him, no matter what.
The other characters are amazing as well - Dex's foster sister, Deb (The Exorcism of Emily Rose's Jennifer Carpenter - who'da thunk it?) is such a crazy, witty and uber-hard working tomboy.
Dexter's "girlfriend", Rita (played by Julie Benz, who was on Angel a couple o' years back) is turning into one strong lady after she has been broken by her ex, who repeatedly beat and raped her.
Angel (David Zayas) and Masuka (C.S. Lee), two of Dexter's colleagues are frikkin' hilarious, but they're no jumping-jack's, either.
Sergeant Doakes (Erik King) is funny and interesting to watch, and the at first very unsympathetic Lieutenant Maria Laguerta (Lauren Vélez) - love the name - is turning into one of my favorite female characters on TV.

So, this show is great. If you can stomach some blood and strong language, I suggest everyone should watch it. It's not a soap or anything, but if you like mystery with some personal drama thrown in there (as seen above: like Six Feet Under, maybe Angel), you should love it. There's a turn around every corner (or Dexter waiting behind it - who's to say?), and this show keeps me fascinated every single second. Did I mention how smart it is?

Oh, I have to tell you about this one scene: Dexter and Rita are watching a sad movie, and while Rita is crying her eyes out, Dexter is completely unmoved.
She turns to look at him and sees how collected he is, somewhat surprised.
Dexter's voice-over, while staring at Rita with his eyes wide open: "Maybe if I don't blink, my eyes will tear up." It was funny, even though it doesn't really sound like it. Narf.

Also, the credits-song is mighty creepy.
Check it out here.

Gone Baby Gone

2008-07-03T13:42:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving for a week of Switzerland tomorrow.
I'll probably have lots and lots to talk about when I get back!

Hugs
xoxo
Poppanna

So Ellen Page denied she's a lesbian?

2008-06-30T13:18:00.001-07:00

Naturally, these news only reach me now. I hate this world.

Oh, Ellen, baby, I'm so over you.

Not I'll go and be depressed.

I wanted to talk about something interesting . . .

2008-06-30T12:50:00.001-07:00

. . . but then I found this video of Ioan Gruffudd walking around somewhere, and my plans went right out the window.

He truly is the Welsh Fox.

Can I just say that, if anyone ever forced me to turn The Bitch Goddess Notebook into a movie (uhh), he'd totally be my first choice to play Rob Schafer.
I mean, look at him?
If Martha O'Connor didn't base his looks on Gruffudd's then... well, then she didn't.
Moving on.

Universal? Call me about those film rights . . .

Can't believe I didn't tell you this yet . . .

2008-06-30T12:33:00.001-07:00

I had the most surreal, craziest, sickest thing happen to me on Saturday.

So I had some friends over, and we were just hanging around with the windows wide open, 'cause the summer in Germany should go to Hell for being a slut, when suddenly this bird flew inside (the animal, not a hot woman). And because we have pretty big windows it just kept crashing against them, trying to get outside.
It was so horrible.
So, anyway, I opened every window and kind of urged it outside, but it was pretty obvious that it was too hurt to ever fully recover.

The next day: my friends had left and I was cleaning up the living room, when I looked out of the glass door at the far side of the room, and saw a dead bird lying on the porch.
It was so sad, and I carried it into the garden and kinda threw it into the bushes (I'm sorry, but what was I supposed to do?).
And, I swear to God, two minutes after I came back inside, there was ANOTHER bird flying around in the flat.
Somehow I managed to get it outside, but that was one of the most surreal things ever.

You know how birds fly against a window, trying to get outside?
It's got something suicidal to it, and then with the second bird... I don't know, I felt like I was in The Happening or The Birds or something.

Anyway, I had to get that off my chest.
It just made me sick.

Oh damn!

2008-06-30T12:31:00.000-07:00

HAHA!
Check out kanookle and some weird dude rapping.

Love. It.
Craziness for everyone!

The Football Stuff

2008-06-29T13:51:00.000-07:00

So, Germany is not the Europe Soccer Champion.
Spain won, mere minutes ago, and, boy, do they deserve it.
Germany was shit. (love 'em)

Anyway, oddly enough, I'm not struck with depression, and I'm actually really happy for Spain. They were amazing in pretty much every match, and you gotta love those guys.
Names I learned today: (Sergio) Ramos, Silva and Villa. See? I learn fast.
Then of course there's Fernando Torres, but I just can't bring myself to like him.
Bash me for this, but every time I see him, I have to think of a Spanish Cristiano Ronaldo.
Ouch.

I promise . . .

2008-06-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

. . . that no matter how bad you feel, this video will make you smile.

Gotta love Paul Rudd.

It's a big birthday-day!

2008-06-27T12:24:00.000-07:00

Okay, first of, happy birthday, Sara!
(That was on Wednesday, but since she doesn't read this blog, well. Anyway, happy birthday, sweety!)

Today:

Tony Leung (or, as credited on IMDb: "Tony Leung Chiu Wai" - never, ever heard the last two names. Whatever) : 46 (seriously? These Asians, never look their age . . . ts ts!)

Tobey Maguire: 33 (could not care less . . .)

Ed Westwick: 21 (yay!)

Christian Kane: 34 (really? Not possible. When he started on Angel he was already like 30, 32 or something. That would make him 30 during his last appearance on Angel . . . crazy, crazy, crazy. Anyway, he rocks.)

Yancey Arias: 37 (you'll know him when you see him)

No woman-birthday havers? What the munchy?

Note to self: things that made me smile today...

2008-06-27T12:12:00.000-07:00

Sleeping in - without feeling like I'm wasting my free time.
Great weather - not too hot, not too cold.
Being alone - okay, I miss my Mum, I always do (: But hearing nothing but the noises YOU make is magic.
My driving lesson - get off the streets, guys! Here I come!
My Dad - because he is my soul mate, and my guardian. Dad, some things are too big for words. This is one of them.
Being able to stay up. As. Long. As. Humanly. Possible. Guess why. 'Coz it's the holiday!
Looking forward to thing - friends visiting tomorrow and the day after; my vacation; having a future with writing.
Being creative/getting something done - I didn't do a lot today, but I'm pretty happy with what I did.

Happy Birthday, Sean Hayes!

2008-06-26T04:16:00.000-07:00

Sean Hayes turned 38 today. Congratsaps!

And for anyone who has no idea who Sean Hayes is: he played Jack "Just Jack" McFarland in "Will & Grace". I miss that show.

Jack, I'll always love you. Even though you, ya know, can never love me back.
But that's okay. We can be friends and watch "Buffy" together. (:

Germany vs. Turkey II

2008-06-26T04:15:00.001-07:00

Cannot stop laughing.

Germany won. Yippie-kay-yay, motherpeople!
And you know what? No-one died.
Which is nice, too.

I just watched "My Super Sweet Sixteen" . . .

2008-06-25T08:09:00.000-07:00

. . . and my brain shall never recover.

Blah.

Germany vs. Turkey

2008-06-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

Haha.
This sounds funnier that I expected it to.

So today is the footie game between Germany and Turkey, and I cannot tell you what measures have been takes around Cologne.

When Germany won against Portugal, I was like "Yaaay! Public viewing!".
And then I heard that they had to compete against Turkey and I thought "Oooh, not leaving the house for a week!"

Here's why: The Turkish population in Cologne (and Germany in general) is huge. I mean H.U.G.E. Now, we all know that football fans aren't s´necessarily the most friendly-when-drunk people.
I don't know, it's hard to explain without sounding racist or extremely un-patriotic (what?).

Anyway, look the doors, sweethearts, and have a great evening!

It's the holidays, kids!

2008-06-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

That's right!
My holidays started today. Woohoo!
Six weeks filled with sleep and idleness.
Nothing to do all. Day. Long.

Jeez, I'm bored already.
Yawn.

Expect tons and tons and tons and tons and tons of useless information.

Fun!

Abandon all hope, ye who click here . . .

2008-06-22T10:56:00.000-07:00

It's The Happening-ning!

Produced and published by ObviouslyKidding Productions.

What I'm doing tonight? Oh, just having a beer with Speedy and the Mac Guy . . .

2008-06-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

I could not be more jealous.

Here are Scott Speedman (left) and Justin Long (right) being all confused, cause that's not me sitting with them. Who's that guy in the middle? He looks a bit like Ben from LOST (i.e. creepy!).

Did anyone watch the "Die Hard 4" bloopers? Justin Long is the funniest person on earth.
Period.

You are my Sunshine, my only Sunshine.

2008-06-20T12:51:00.000-07:00

. . .

Yeah. The title of this post is that crappy.

I just re-watched the trailer of "Sunshine", and it reminded me of how much I love this movie - and Danny Boyle.

Okay, to be honest, his movies just freak me out. I mean, the seriously scare me. The have something so subtle.
Take "28 Day Later..." for instance. Except for that monkey-opening-sequence, and the thing after the church, and the thing in the house of the parents... well, okay, stuff happens. But in between there are sequences full of peace and beauty (the horses, for example - no pun intended), but all the time you feel that things aren't nice and quiet, but pretty frikkin', soddin' bad.

So in "Sunshine", there's that whole aspect of loneliness.

SPOILER!

When the first character, the captain, dies, there instantly is this disquieting feeling of forsakenness. He was a kind of father-figure, a reasonable, down-to-earth leader, and he is, of all the eight astronauts, the first person that dies.
Leaves the very nervous and obviously incapable second-in-command guy to be the captain.
Then there's the one guy who's suicidal, because he blames himself for everything.

There is this one amazing scene, pretty close to the show-down, where the remaining four crew-members decide to kill the suicidal guy. And it's seriously one of the most intense scenes I've ever seen.
Do they make the right decision? Yeah. Of course you can't save one person and sacrifice the rest of humanity.
But you can't really say that anyone is thoroughly convinced.

Here's a really nice music video (with a song from "Silent Hill 4: The Room" - ooh, yeah!).
Again, major spoilers!

Moments of weakness. Moments of strength.

2008-06-20T02:58:00.000-07:00

I suppose they’re quite common.

The problem is that sometimes, I have too much time.
Two or three minutes will do.
It's was always the same, for example, when I lay in bed at night, and couldn’t sleep (I dealt with insomnia for some time), and you can’t protect yourself from some things, some thoughts.
That’s what it’s like right now. The easiest decisions seem like impossible tasks. In these moments, I’m so happy I’m alone.
It feels good, because I know that my face just falls apart, and I want to scream and cry.
It feels bad, because I often don’t trust myself to be alone. Not even yet.
I haven’t had a relapse for at least 6 months. But I imagine it a lot. I play with the thought of slipping back into old patterns, because it gives me power.

There was a time when I didn’t want to feel better. A long time, actually. Because fighting against something takes energy and I was so exhausted that I didn’t want to fight.
I’m still exhausted, but it’s getting better. I sleep, again. Entire nights just snoring in my bed. It’s the most amazing feeling to wake up in the morning and actually be kind of awake.
Or I’ll just be sitting in class or meeting my friends and suddenly I’m flooded with happiness.
Pure, unexplainable happiness.
I used to be afraid of that, too. Because happiness passes, and pain and sadness are more constant feelings.

In the past few months, though, I have met some wonderful people who taught me that it is okay to be sad, and that I don’t always have to smile.
There is no way to express my gratefulness.
But the most important thing I’ve learned is that I can trust myself more and more.
It’s still a long way from being happy just because I’m me, but I’m getting there.
And that journey is the craziest, funniest, saddest, inspiring thing.

And, just because I feel like it, here is Flyleaf's "All Around Me". I love this band, and especially this song.
Enjoy!

Germany vs. Portugal II

2008-06-19T14:02:00.000-07:00

So, Germany won.
Cristiano Ronaldo cried (off-camera, but whatever).
I can now die and go to heaven.

Aww, bliss!

Robert Downey Jr: Off the wagon?

2008-06-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm taking these news directly off Evil Beet Gossip, just because I love that guy so, so much. He' s an amazing actor, and he totally makes every movie in the world work for me (I'm talking "Iron Man", here).

Anyway, I'm not trying to make all this sound less negative or sad, but the things is this: when you're battling an addiction to anything, there'll be relapse. I've battled an addiction for over two years (although a lot of people will probably say that my problem was far less addicting than drugs or alcohol - I respectfully disagree), and I've had relapses all the fucking time.
Now that might mainly have something to do with me not being a very stable person in general (but I'm working on that), but I just hope that people understand that.
A relapse is not the end of a battle.
It's just a break in between.

That being said, best of luck to this wonderful, talented actor.

2008-06-19T10:28:00.001-07:00

The universal significance of home-made trailers

2008-06-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

Okay, so it’s not universal, but it sure has significance.

For me, personally, it is a fillip to write more, because I try to think: “Okay, if this becomes a best-seller, and gets made into a movie, this is what it could look like.”
And I love trailer - a good trailer is truly fun.

So of course the entire thing is very naive, but it gets you to put your ass in front of your computer and just write a little.
But it can also be a distraction, like a harbourage from writing.
That’s because I “suffer” from “writer’s angst”. (:
Seriously, sometimes, I feel like I’ll never put a single word to paper ever again, because it’s so senseless and exhausting.

And then I start writing again because of said trailer, and I remember how much fun it is.

At least, that’s what I think.

Germany vs. Portugal

2008-06-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

Soccer-wise.
This is not against Portugal.
I like Portugal. I’ve never been there, but I heard it’s nice.
Who I don’t like is Cristiano Ronaldo.
Listen, I’m all about men who show their emotions, but there’s a line that no-one, no matter if male, female or alien (“American Dad”, duh!) should cross.

Make sure you watch the footie tonight!

Whoever on YouTube thought it would be a good idea to recommend the "Hitman" trailer to me, should be hanged immediately.

2008-06-19T06:58:00.000-07:00

Did anyone like this movie?
I hated it.
I hated it big time.
If anyone wants to know what I hated about it, log onto IMDb.com, go to the “Hitman” board, and read stuff written by “hannah-rose-3".

Warning: These posts are extremely hateful.

And it’s not that I didn’t like the concept of “Hitman” (the games are AWESOME), or that I don’t like Timothy Olyphant, (who was also on Jimmy Kimmel, but not in a boy band), but it’s the fact that they called this movie “Hitman”. As in “reference to the game”.
Hate!

Will someone watch that Narnia movie with me? Please?

2008-06-19T06:42:00.001-07:00

Oh, please.
Pleasepleasepleaseplease.

I LOVE Narnia.

I can hardly remember anything from the first movie, except for James McAvoy’s performance, but I sure know I loved it.
I read the Narnia books as a kid, although I think just “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” one, because I can’t remember the words “Prince Caspian” for the life of me.
It’s just one of these childhood-things, you know?
Like, if they ever decided to re-do “The Neverending Story”, I would sit there, the night the movie opened, and be totally nervous, because it’s the frikkin’ “Neverending Story”.

You know what the best part is? “Narnia: Prince Caspian” actually looks really good.

So I searched the internet for a little more footage, and found this hilarious interview with Ben Barnes, who plays Prince Caspian, on Jimmy Kimmel.

I love how Kimmel says “You appear to be from another country”. Nice one. (:
Anyway, the Narnia footage starts at around 5:40.
There’s also some footage of Ben Barnes from when he was in a boy band.
It’s actually kind of good, considering it’s a boy band.

Oh, I so wanna watch this movie.

A nice, fussy welcome!

2008-06-19T05:54:00.000-07:00

Wow.
Okay, I don't know how you start something like that.
I guess I introduce myself first.

So, my name is Hannah, and I'm from Germany.
I've read numerous blogs and followed the stories of several vloggers (is that what it's called? Man, these words...), and I've always wanted to start a blog myself.
I'm not quite sure why I never did it, but today I just said "Fuck it" and started one.
So this is it.

I could of course say the usual introduction stuff, but I'm not a big fan of formality.
Here are some truly defining facts about me:

1. I dyed my hair black. Yeah. I just wanted to do this. I was in a kind of emo/gothic phase back then. That's over now, but I kept the black hair. I just like it, and it's a constant reminder of a time when I wasn't feeling good. It makes me remember that life was worse once, and how good I've got it now. I know, it's just a hair color, but still...

2. Concerning LOST, I like Desmond, Richard and Sun best. Nuff said.

3. I like to read. No, wait, that's a lie. I LOVE to read. And not chick lit, or crime or whatever, but drama (Haha, I almost wrote "Dharma"...). I love books that are so honest they're painful, so real and so tragic, that they give you nightmares. I like crazy writers, who use books as a kind of, well, channel, to tell these things that are so unimaginable (is that a word?). Some of my favorite writers are Bret Easton Ellis, Chuck Palahniuk and Martha O'Connor. Jeffrey Eugenides is pretty good, Susan Fletcher and JT Leroy had me in tears. Robert Harris' books are less personal, but certainly a great read. Mo Hayder is scary. And let's not talk about Richard Matheson.

4. Movies are fun, but I can't stand people who lead a life ruled by the rules that exist in the cinema-world. Whenever you read or watch something, you have to remember that it might not be real. Otherwise you're gonna lead a pretty messed up life.

5. EvilBeet is my queen. Hail her. Like, now.

6. Yes, I thought Chris Crocker's "Leave Britney Alone" was genius, thank you very much (;

7. Winter and fall are better than spring, which is better than summer.

8. Talking is good. It's important to say what you think, but at the right time. My problem was that I didn't talk for a long time.

More later.
Okay, now I'm gonna find out how to do shit on this side.
Stay tuned, whoever you are!

Hugs
xoxo
or is it
oxox?
No, I don't think.